A while back a friend of mine on Koh Tao told me about the vasectomy he had. It was a special scheme of a Thai Government organization where you could get a free vasectomy job if you showed proof that you had 2 kids.

This sounded pretty interesting to me and not only because I am a cheap bastard that’s always happy to get a bargain, but I had been thinking of alternative solutions to the birth control issue anyway.

As far as I know there are a few avenues one can take. I might have left a few out but here is a little list

 

  1. Oral birth control pills –  Personally I am not too happy with my wife taking these as in my eyes it isn’t the most natural way and who knows what the long term side effects may be to exposing a beautiful female to these hormones etc on a daily basis.
  2. Condoms – Fumbling around like a horny teenager? Guys, I’m a grown up now and I don’t know about you guys but I don’t exactly get excited about these raincoats that make everything smell and taste like a lilo. It seriously obstructs my bedroom creativity and it just sucks. Period
  3. Contraceptive coils – these things are coated with either copper or hormones to do the job of stopping the little soldiers from passing. effectiveness is about 99% but the list of possible side effects is pretty long and you also need frequent checks from your doctor to check if it is still in place etc.
  4. Birth control injections. Guys seriously? Injecting an amount of hormones that huge?
  5. Lady-comp. I love the sound of it but as far as I understand you have to calculate the days you can or cannot have sexy business and also: according to the claims the things are about 99.3% accurate. Pondering if you will ,for once in your life beat the odds and, belong to the happy 0.7% while going about it is not exactly my cuppa tea.

Now there are many other methods like patches, injections, implants sponges and rings of all sorts. It never sounded appetizing to us but go and read up on it all as there might be something that appeals to you. Here is quite an extensive article about it.

Having a snip job (vasectomy) sounds pretty extreme to some and it is something you should certainly sleep on for a while. You have to make up your mind and think about a couple of things before you get the job done. It isn’t exactly easily reversible.

Most guys who regret their Vasectomy have the following situations:

  • One of their children unfortunately dies and after this they’d like to have another child.
  • They divorce their boring old wives and hook up with a juicy babe that still has a child wish and a strong skill to convince, seduce or pressure their new man into having another child.

If you think you might ever belong to any of these categories you either have to refrain from doing it or get your sperm frozen and stored.

We are so lucky to have both a boy and a girl and praise ourselves really happy. Should we be growing anything it will most likely be another pair of arms to handle the kids we already have and certainly not our family itself.

So after deciding if this was the thing to do for me and figuring out where the “Asian Center for Population & Community Development” exactly was located in Bangkok I called them up to make sure I could get the thing done.

I really only had this one day before we would fly to The Netherlands with a one way ticket so really couldn’t afford anything to go wrong. The same day I took a motorbike taxi and went ahead on my mission.

 

My mate who had his free snip job done as well, told me you even get a free shave down there but not to expect the same smooth results you get when doing it yourself. With this in the back of my head and my natural urge to always make a good impression I made sure I was presentable before I went in.

The nurse at the check in counter had to be convinced to go ahead sign me in. As I was flying out the next morning she was reluctant to take me in. They normally have you come back at least once or twice after for a checkup and test. What could possibly go wrong? And besides I could always go to the doctor back in the motherland if things went south after the procedure.

After filling in some papers I had to sit and wait in the waiting room and this boys and girls is where I suddenly did get some small little nerves.  There was one guy who came out of the door of the vasectomy room and he was grinning uncomfortably while speaking thai with his entourage of his wife and most likely the performing doctor.

Seemed like I was the only one in the waiting room at this point.

This was the point where your instinctual fight, flight or hide reflex kicks in. For a brief moment I felt like running but buried my ass in the chair and waited my turn.
I got called in and after giving the staff a respectful, friendly but also pretty nervous thai “Wai” the butch looking lady doctor told me to drop my pants in a way that made Mr.T seem a cheerful chap.

Well guys, obviously I just did what the butch-her asked of me and laid down on the stainless steel workbench. Then the fumbling began. Some icecold feeling things down there and a sedative to numb the area. After this it was a mix of some fumbling in my parts, a little pull and jerk here and there and the hollow needle….

All this while I was trying to stay cool and breath and relax like you do while in the dentist chair, tattoo shop or similar places.

Then SNIP! Kind of felt and sounded like cutting the umbilical cord of a baby but then tiny. A rush of relieve came over me! It was done! This blissful moment only took a nano second until I realized …… they probably snip twice :/

And indeed they did. In the meantime I heard the door open and close several times and people mumbling in thai. Perhaps all the staff came to have a look at this silly farang’s shaved balls and awesome tattoo’s and most likely they all made selfies next to my bits to share on their instagram and snapchat.

Whatever it was they did I decided to take a stage left after the thing was over and skip signing autographs this time :p

Quickly pulled up my pants and once again I gave them all my utmost respectful, embarrassed and sweaty nervous “Wai” and got the hell out.

Then in another room the friendly head nurse explained the recovery process to me.

She strongly suggested me to take it easy for a few days until at least a week and not to do any active body movements or excersizes.

For the coming 3 days I wasn’t supposed to have a shower or get my bits wet. After about 3 days the little plaster was supposed to be taken off.

I was to either clean the pipes at least 10 times (making sure to use birth control) or wait for about 2 to 3 months before any traces of active sperm would be gone.

Then to make sure you shoot blanks it is necessary to get a little analysis to confirm that you indeed no longer have any little soldiers swimming around.

Last but not least I was asked if I wanted to make a donation which I obviously did. I mean guys where in the world can you get a free snip job like this? All I did was take my 2 birth certificates and signed a paper. Easy weasy.

So I donated 1000,- baht and before leaving the lady also smilingly explained that I could go downstairs to the restaurant called “Cabages & Condoms” to take 15 free condoms home.

Well guys I have seen many smiles in “The Land of Smiles” but the one from this head nurse was sincerely and generous and really did this countries name honour.

My bits weren’t painful but the whole thing obviously felt slightly funny and as it was still numb I wanted to get home asap.

On my way down I shot a little video for our youtube channel, picked up my condoms and went for a coffee, did some toy shopping for the plane journey to Europe and got a taxi back to the hotel.

All in all I can say that the whole thing was really a piece of cake. Sure you’ll be a bit nervous and let’s be honest, dropping your pants in front of some strangers isn’t a daily thing, but other than that it was a walk in the park.

 

The only thing I would like to press on to you is to take some chill out time at home right after. Go home and stay away from your kids or any other things that can jump on you and bounce or kick you in the nuts. Get on the couch or bed with your feet up and stay there for about a week.

Silly me had to get on a long haul plane ride with a stopover about 12 hours after the procedure with wife, 2 kids and a whole lot of luggage.

I thought It would be a quick recovery so took the kids for walks down the isle and did toilet runs and nappie changes etc.

Then ofcourse the whole circus needed to move around again after we landed…

Ok I didn’t run a marathon but all this moving and lifting etc wasn’t quite beneficial and soon it started to get tender down there to the point where I really felt the need to lay low for a while.

Perhaps the one learning point I can take from this experience is that sometimes it is wise to take the advice of trained professionals and take that time and rest to recover.

That was my snip story guys. Hope it was of help and if you need any info on the how and what of a vasectomy or need more info on the  “Asian Center for Population & Community Development” then just shoot me a line.

 

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